aZLiNa sPeaKs.. tHe WoRLd LiSTeNs..

Tips for surviving a medical check up

So I had a medical checkup today, hence my very own version of : Tips for surviving a medical check up

 

**Especially For women

 

1. Wear a sleeveless top- makes it all the more easier to take your blood pressure without having to spoil all your pretty tight clothes.

 

2. **Wear a loose fitting SKIRT- cus in private hospitals; apparently you don’t get the squat toilet. So you gotta get your urine in a cup using a sitting toilet. And to do that, you gotta spread your legs WIDE open. Either that or take off your pants. And it being Malaysia, the floors are never dry so it’s super gross to do that.

 

3. **Wear pretty underwear- it’s awkward enough to get semi naked in front of a doctor, they don’t exactly have lockers to hide your discolored, worn-out and plain ugly bras and panties. You gota hold em while the doctor pokes and prods.

 

4. Bring along an MP3 player or something to its equivalent- you want to be able to shut out the wailings and screaming of the patients who are sissies when it comes to taking blood. It’s a terrible thing to be next in line for a needle when the previous idiot made it seem like childbirth.

 

5. Do pump ups or something like that before the check up- it helps make your veins visible and the doctors would be spoilt for choice when it comes to picking the largest vein. Why small veins are bad? PAIN

 

6. Have a balance of fasting- Eat nothing and drink nothing but plain water would make your urine super healthy, but your blood pressure will be on the low side. Eat your heart out and your blood pressure would be ok but the urine would have spikes of sugar or whatever else that is not healthy.

 

7. **Know the exact date of your last menstruation- everyone from the x-ray dept to the toxilogy dept apparently have a fetish in knowing about it.

 

8. Don’t make smart assed comments- doctors are creatures with absolute no sense of humor and will look at you with murder in their eyes if you attempt to ease the awkwardness of a situation by cracking jokes. If they ask whether you’re pregnant, give an empathic NO instead of saying “I hope not”. Unless you really are pregnant of course. In which case wtf are you doing trying to get an x-ray?

 

9. Wear clothes with light materials- unless you want your record to show your weight as 2 kgs above the actual. And wear slip on sandals- its such a hassle to take off shoes for height measurement especially with the nurse looking like she would love to rip em shoes out from underneath you.

 

10. Always know the objective of your medical check up- if it’s for personal knowledge and well being, then by all means, ask as many questions and be as truthful as possible. If it’s for a goddamn employment, LIE. If it’s      something serious like cancer or TB, you’d need your future employer to foot the bill. So get as clean and as healthy record down as possible. Muahahahah…

 

That’s about it. I met 2 other people who would eventually become my colleagues, and they’re both bitching cus they had offers from IBM and MISC or whatever AFTER they signed the contract. The contract is apparently not breakable. So, in retrospect, perhaps I’d better NOT get the job from (s)hell. Hmm.

 

 

 

Interview from (s) hell and MBSA sirens blasting all night.

                                       

Looks pretty doesn’t it? I thought so too. The nightmare before wasn’t though. Mad frenzy to drive cars to higher ground and roll up carpets. Anyhow, no real damage except perhaps that really cute neighbor down the street will never want to date me, I was worse than my worst that night – ugly baju kelawar, mussed, limp hair and bloodshot eyes. I think there was a lil bit of dried up drool somewhere hahahaha. But hey, who else can say they walked around their taman in nighties??

 

End of heavy-continuous-rain drama.

Interview story.

What’s the most stressful situation you’ve encountered? What’s the most difficult situation you’ve been in? When did you feel most challenged? What was your most demanding task and how did you solve it? What project gave you most satisfaction and why? Have you worked with difficult people and how did you deal with it?

 

Yes, demanding, stressful, difficult and challenged DO NOT mean the same thing.

 

Then we talked about National Parks! Yes, NATIONAL PARKS. As in the advantages and disadvantages of national parks.

 

 

I wonder if I’ll get the job. HMmmmm..

 

Why I shouldn't read blogs

..because one person starts it.. And before you can say Iwantanicedcaramelmacchiato, you're tagged! And all the stars and moon align themselves so well you have nothingg else to blog about so you be one of "those" people (the ones that believe hoax friendster-is-closing-down msgs) and oblige. Muahahaha..

 

RULES: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. When I'm really stressed from the heat, I draw a circle on my porch, hold a lighter and make owl noises while dancing and singing to call for the rain. Always works. People say it's my abysmal voice quality that makes the higher powers oblige.

2. Everytime I see a frog, I kiss it. Sometimes I get it wrong and kiss a toad instead, yuck! All in the name of finding true love. Sigh.

 

3. Remember the Truman show?? I believe ever since they busted that one up, they are now doing the Azlina show. I've caught them a couple of times (nothing as huge as lights falling from the sky, more like people whispering behind my back and looking at me funny.. ) They're pretty good at keeping the secret. I guess they learnt after Truman.

 

Now THAT’S what I call weird. As usual, real life is sooo by far, less entertaining :

1. My life is not worth living without coffee in the mornings. No, wait. YOUR life is not worth living if I don’t have coffee in the mornings.

2. I don't like kids, but for some weird higher-powers-are laughing-their-ass-off reasons, they (kids) cannot leave me alone when they see me. Same thing with cats. I have been banned from three (3) close friends' home because of my expressed desire to hurt children. I believe more bannings are forthcoming once I publish this.

 

3. I love the smell of petroleum.

4. I talk to myself. Constantly. I've got a factory of "little

lynns" inside my head that constantly demand attention. Try saying 'no' to something inside your head. It's easier to humour them.

5. I never have opinions. Like seriously. I’m one of those atas pagar people that annoy everyone else because they never pick sides. If you ask me to choose between two options, I’d list the pros and cons of both and make YOU decide. Apparently, that’s a sign of bad leadership. Sigh. Whatever happened to the days of leaders not doing anything but lepak all day?

6. I can't tell the difference between C class Merc or an S class. In fact, I have trouble distinguishing a Volvo, Merc, Honda and BMW in itself, much less the models. Appaling, I know. On the bright side, it used to be worse. At least I now can tell Malaysian cars apart.

I’m not even CLOSE to being weird. Damn.

Everyone who reads is considered tagged.