aZLiNa sPeaKs.. tHe WoRLd LiSTeNs..

Wow, Look!!~ A Martian!

Yo Ladies! The men has women all figured out! They know all they need to do when women share feelings (read: whine, bitch and feel sorry for ourselves) is to shut up and go "ummmmm" or "you poor thing" and NEVER offer suggestions on how to solve it.

Your basic John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) material.

BUt but but BUTTTTTTTT... (And this is something I noticed recently) John Gray's theory doesn't work for the guys! No letting them sit morosely in their caves, stewing and thinking their way out. No letting them handle it all by themselves. No leaving them alone until they are ready to be back in the society. It works with the older generation, but boy, the younger men are breaking the mould.

I think it's a pandemic that needs to be addressed worldwide.

Women all around are finding it increasingly difficult to decipher wtf's wrong with men around them, and leaving them alone is NOT working. Asking them what is wrong and trying to be sympathetic simply backfires. Ignoring the whole situation and feverishly praying that it'll miraculously disappear is plain stupid, but desperate times calls for desperate measures, so women do it anyway. (N no, it doesn't work). Finding solutions on their (men's) behalf is redundant, cus "women solutions" are well, women's. Not applicable apparently. N the last ploy I keep as a back up, strictly to be used in dire circumstances : praise them and "look up" to them as superhero materials (as advised by another male friend) ALSO does not work!

Uma Thurman should star in a movie aptly named What MEN want. Cus I'm beginning to think the general men's mantra of "Women are so complicated" is a ploy to divert our attention as to how complicated THEY are. Turning lesbian would not work, you'd still have men at work, men at home and men just loitering everywhere.

I'm sure y'all have read this, but I'm copy pasting it for kicks. (credit: unknown)

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u Don't, he says u are a tramp.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;

If he SMOKES, he is a GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;

If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE & sooo hard to please!!

Happy Chinese New Year! Cheerios!~

Tick tock, tick tock!~

So the other day my mom asked how come all my friends were female, don’t I have male friends? Hmm. What can you possible say to THAT?

 

Well you can say many things. You can tell the truth, you can lie. You can bring along a male friend the next time, or you can say you're  a  lesbian. Just don’t say what I said.

 

I said “Mom, when you absolutely HAVE to marry me off, and I don’t have a male friend yet, feel free to look for one for me”.

It was a joke! A joke!!

 

Mom: Serious ah? I’ve got a couple of offers oredi

Me: WHAT?!??!

Mom: You know (insert name here)?

Me: No

Mom: Well they have a son who is a (insert profession here). Very stable. (Insert descriptive term here). You can ask grandma for more details. She’ll get you a man in no time.

 

Repeat whole conversation 3 times. Ouch.

 

My only saving grace is that my mom’s racist. Towards our own race, whatever race that might be. So she doesn’t quite want me to marry “apne atmi- our people”. Something vague about interbreeding and eternal slavery and whatnots. Hahahaha. My mom cracks me up. And since all the offers are from “our people”, I’m in pretty good hands.

 

Mangni Chut Pat Shaadi – a phrase I never want to hear. Unless it’s John Abraham’s mom saying it. Or maybe Abishek Bachan’s mom. I’d have to kill Ashwarya Rai first though.

 

*Violent daydreaming begins*